I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
