I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
