Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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