is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
