Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I deserve this hangover.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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