He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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