i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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