DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
