If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
