What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
