i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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