I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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