It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
