This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
