i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'd cum for enchiladas.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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