Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
