I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
