It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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