Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize