This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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