are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Randomize
