Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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