Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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