After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
