Porn is love you can see.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Randomize
