there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
