Cold hands, warm shart.
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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