maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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