he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
