woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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