He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
