my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Did you pee in the oven last night??
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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