I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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