she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
this beer tastes like vomit already
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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