Dual....:-)
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Randomize
