If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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