Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
