he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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