i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
