My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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