She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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