Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
