That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
