You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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