Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
