He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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