Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
