Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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