So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Randomize
