Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize