i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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