She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
