There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We were destined to go to rehab together
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
