420 ftw
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I came so hard my ears popped.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
