i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
