he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
