xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Did you just see the Batmobile???
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
