I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
