I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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