it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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