Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
