she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize