Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
