saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
North Korea, Best Korea!
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
