great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
