I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
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