just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
