i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
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