i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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