Yo dont text me then not text me
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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