Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
