What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
