i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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