bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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