They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
