Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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