i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
