never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
