god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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