Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
