Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize