you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
