K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Randomize
