remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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