your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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