porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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