I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
