we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
