wrigley field is MILF paradise
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
