party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
