I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
