Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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