Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
