I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
