Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I believe in your delicious
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
