I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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