One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
The ass gains better be worth it
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
