Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
